I am no Mother Teressa, and I can honestly say that this was one emotion I personally do not fully fathom. I live in the world where I have witnessed people acting jealous, heard people say "I'm so jealous", I am sure I have said that when a friends gone off to sun themselves at an amazing beach in the Caribbean or South East Asia and share every moment of their happy time on facebook, while I am sat stuck in a cold gloomy city in the rain. When I say to them, "I'm so jealous", what I mean is that I wish I was on a beach somewhere lovely too. I do actually feel genuine happiness for them, that they are having such a lovely time. And at no point, wish that they do not have what they have and that I have it instead.
The definition of jealousy is, the feeling of resentment towards a rival or someone else's success or good fortune and wishing that you had what they had instead of them.
When I hear clients talk of their jealously, I feel genuinely sad for them, that they are experiencing these feelings. It is really horrid for them. I am also very happy they came to see me. And were brave enough to admit there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. They have recognised that the feeling of jealously is destructive to themselves and very often the person the anger and jealously is directed at. I heard once of someone whose jealously had gotten so bad that, they had purposely fed 2 people laxative laced muffins and made them so ill one of them was taken to hospital. This is really serious stuff, do NOT do this to anyone, its a terrible thing to do to another human being and who knows what it could have led too, if it was something they were allergic too. Just writing about it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Jealousy is something that has no place in the work place. If you notice people in your teams exhibiting behaviours that suggest jealously, nip it in the bud, confront it head on and make sure it is well and truly resolved. Help your employee see their own value and work out their own path and not worry or focus on someone else.
One of the tricks I asked clients who were working with me to deal with their issues of jealously was to identify what was it exactly that the other had that they didn't have? was it attention, love, happiness, a promotion, acceptance, relaxation, security...what the real underlying thing that they felt the other had that they were missing.
Then what they needed to do was figure out a way of finding their own version of happiness, love, acceptance etc. etc. I know this is hard to hear for people who suffer from jealously but seriously they had to STOP using another persons life as a measure for their own. One can only measure oneself against the me myself and I. We are all on our own development path. some of us just happen to be in the right place at the right time and others have created opportunities for themselves. So next time, before the bunny boiler comes out to play for you or someone you might know. It is worth taking stock and realising everyone's circumstances and journey is unique to them. What opportunities are you going to create for yourself?
Hell, I want to be in the position to be able to give a huge amount of money to charities and build schools for children in countries where it is needed. I want to have incredible homes all over the world, be able to send all my family and friends the most incredible presents and look after them all, to be able to travel whenever and wherever I want without ever thinking about the cost.
Getting jealous of someone else who has these things is not going to get me what you want. All it will do is make me bloody miserable.
If you have jealousy issues, start looking at your own journey and find a way of making incredible things happen for you.
Very practical advice.
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